Expat Brits to cash in on French recession-busting initiatives

Esplanade minis
Originally uploaded by Tampen

Exporting a British car to France, administrative hassles aside, is not an idea that fills me with much excitement. If I told you that I have trodden this fairly expensive path, and ended up standing on the hard shoulder of an Italian motorway, with a fat leathery man in a boiler suit repeating 'kaputti, kaputti', as white smoke poured out of the exhaust of my ageing Ford Fiesta, then you're starting to understand where I'm coming from. Way back then, in 2004, I had to cough up about £250 to have the car taken to the 'demolizione'. The French call it 'la casse'.

In these times of economic hardship, the Europeans (championed by the Germans I believe) are catching on to the idea that charging someone to trash their car and then leaving them to catch the bus home is not a particularly effective way to get them spending again. OK, let's be absolutely accurate - get them borrowing again, which is, it seems, the only way out of the mire. Through debt. But wasn't that how we got into the mess in the first place? Anyway, that's another tale for a rainy day.

So welcome to the 'Prime à la casse' - where if your car is over 10 years old, you get a cool thousand euros off the purchase of a new one, providing the new one is ecologically sound. So if you have exported a British car, now have French plates, and fancy a new set of wheels, it would appear that the time is nigh for a bargain.

Then again, with the exchange rate being what it is, isn't it cheaper to use your euros to buy another British car? Has anyone dared to take the plunge à la casse? The conditions are worth a read if you do: http://www.service-public.fr/actualites/001093.html

TF1 grovels to miffed Sarkozy

SARKOZY TELE
Originally uploaded by Group: dvnewslive.com

With France's shock unemployment figures for January, the not very well renowned patience of the Gallic electorate with their president may be on increasingly rocky ground. So understandably, as his poll rating drops, the equally impatient Mr Sarkozy is particularly averse to the idea of being messed about on prime time TV.

So on the 18th of February he took a deep breath and spoke passionately for fifteen minutes to the rolling cameras of TF1, attempting to put out the smouldering fires that threaten to engulf his presidency. It was a strong, determined, if a little ratty Mr Sarkozy who was if anything pulling out all the stops to get his message across. So when a TF1 technician interrupted him after about fourteen and a half minutes to explain (with one eye on the nearest and best exit most probably) that someone upstairs had forgotten to press the 'record' button, Mr S was not best pleased.

To add insult to injury, it transpired later that the sound guys had realised the error after 30 seconds, and telephoned down urgently to the studio to pass on the bad news to his advisors - none of which could pluck up the courage to do the dreaded deed. You can imagine that the muttered comments that passed between them were the French version of 'What? Me? No way, you're havin a laugh, mate, you do it! Me? Get outta town etc'.

Grovel time for the top man at TF1, who had to call and apologize, while Sarkozy sharpened his knife back at the Elysée, asking himself 'Is this another forced redundancy at TF1 I see before me?'

Better not, who needs one more face in the dole queue?

Sarko distances himself from Anglo-Saxon troublemakers

So, Sarko's big night on national television, explaining France's way out of its woes, seems to have gone down like the old lead balloon as seething discontent stirs around a country fed up with the empty promises of politicians. Apart from mentioning removing a tax for companies in a couple of years time and meeting with the 'social partners' in mid-February, whoever they might be, Mr Sarkozy's talk- confidently, pop-up every now and then in troublespots, and do next to nothing strategy appears to be exasperating those who had hoped for more.

The trouble with talking too much is journalists have that annoying tendency to listen and record your every word - so red-faces all round if his cronies were watching the lunchtime news today - showing a recent clip of Mr Sarkozy (pre-crisis) saying how he aimed to follow the excellent Anglo-Saxon economic model, followed by a more up to date exert with him saying something along the lines of 'God forbid we ever end up like that lot.'

The Swiss I teach have one word for their French cousins 'Eh, ben, they are, how you say, ungouvernable.'

French die-hard smokers defy anti-smoking laws

serge gainsbourg
Originally uploaded by Genjoe

No doubt Serge Gainsbourg would have been one of the first to park himself on the pavement for a smoke and a Pastis, had he survived the excesses of life's legal vices long enough to witness France's anti-smoking legislation. His fatal heart attack in March 1991 came around the time that the French first started acknowledging the existence of the seedy taboo underworld of the non-fumeur. As a gesture of openness towards this fringe of society, they were offered a small table by the toilets in café's throughout this smoke-loving nation.

And so it seems from last reports, it takes more than Parisian bureaucrats to put a Frenchman off his clope. The OFT (Office of French Tobacco), or something like that, have discovered that since the ban on smoking in public places at the end of 2007, there has been absolutely no reduction in the number of French smokers. So the law has only so far benefited the non-smokers (70% of the population - so they must have improved since the old days I guess) - no bad thing of course.

As I write this, there isn't much room on the pavements of Haute Savoie for smoking activities, unless you fancy standing in three foot of snow. ....

Avalanche risks remind skiers that all that glisters is not gold

Expérience d'une Avalanche par Xavier Delerue
Video sent by RECmag

Filmer : Myriam Lang-Willar, Guido Perrini, Olivier Rebattet
Photo : Christoffer Sjöström
Music : Jean-Pascal Novel
Editing : Xavier Cordente

As the snow keeps on falling, the temptation to head for powder is rising by the day, a thrill that is deep-rooted within the soul of anyone who adores carving through the white stuff. But that glorious feeling as you finally manage to put in a few turns in deep snow masks the ever-present dangers of heading off-piste, as you assure yourself that, of course, 'it'll never happen to me'. The difference between those who make the sad headlines every year (it's already started in the local press) and the young plucky chap in the video is that he was most likely thinking 'it's probably going to happen to me' - hence the skill, security, support, equipment, and preparation that helped him to survive - just. Not to mention plain old good fortune.

I'm not sure of the point of this post - certainly not to moralize the foolhardy, or to claim in any sense that those who toss ice-cubes down the vest of fear will read it and suddenly say to themselves 'Dangerous, you say? I hadn't thought of that. Best stay at home and make a nice cuppa tea'. Most live to tell the tale, and tell the tale they do, but we all need to at least go prepared...

They've never had it so good...well, not for a while anyway

This was the heart-warming scene this very morning at nearby Combloux, where a smattering of affluent locals mixed with, well, us. The deserted pistes and empty hotel terraces were the only significant reminder that we are still in November and the ski-season is not even out of the starting blocks. Oh, and the stationary ski lifts - although there are resorts opening up this weekend in the vicinity.

A week has passed since the dump of last weekend, and the snow has even stuck to the valley floor, which hasn't happened since I first set foot in this area back in 2003. Cynics would say that there's still enough time for the green field and cows to make one last appearance, but from today's evidence and the wintry forecast, I would say that booking an early ski holiday would beat the recession and the crowds.

Long live the early snow!

To say something or not to say something.....

Blessed though we are to have things like jobs, food on the table, and picturesque mountains to gorp at, there's no escaping the heavy heart syndrome on a day like today. Sat on the number one bus in Geneva, snaking through the early morning traffic, it seemed almost criminal to be away from the deep untouched powder that tantalisingly surrounds the city. Snow they predicted, and snow it did. At least the lifts are not yet working, that brings some relief......

So then I spotted that a smartly-dressed lady was standing in the middle of the bus with a prominent 'Réservé' sticker on the back of her coat. Put there by a jealous and possessive husband? Put there by herself to put off anyone who fancied their chances? Or just an embarrassing accident? The latter, I presumed - as she would have needed the extra 'e' on 'réservéé' for it to apply to her, unless of course she wasn't a she, maybe a cunningly deceptive 'she-he'. Perhaps. But then, perhaps not.

I was going to say 'Excuse me but you appear to have a reserved sticker attached to your coat', but partly due to my frustrated ski-bum misery, a lack of confidence to be able to carry off that kind of remark in French, and also because I didn't want to scupper a perfectly excellent joke, I let the lady walk off the bus with the offending sticker still attached.

But if the sticker stays stuck, this unfortunate lady could spend many cold and loveless months suffering a crisis of confidence about her lack of approaches from the opposite sex. She could suffer years of celibacy just because I couldn't muster the enthusiasm to get out of my seat and explain what was afoot. OK, I'll stop there......

Snowstorm heads for the alps

un UFO landing on the Mont Blanc....
Originally uploaded by trendy1

Anyone involved with the Ski Industry or those planning an early ski holiday will rejoice in the news that a serious storm is due to hit the Alps this coming Friday, with temperatures plunging and gale-force northerly winds set to whirl the white stuff around and dump it in uneven lumps onto the pistes.

A decent start to the season will certainly offer some comfort to those who fear the weak pound and recession could mean significant holiday cutbacks for those precious British holidaymakers. But others are reassured that most skiers would rather poke sharp objects into painful areas of their anatomy than miss out on their 'ski fix' - so they'll be here, credit crunch or no credit crunch.

And there's no need to watch the forecast on TV round here if you want to know what's round the corner - the Mont Blanc tells you all you need to know - courtesy of the X-files-esque cloud that forms on its peak. The locals say 'Quand le Mont-Blanc à son chapeau, c'est signe de mauvais temps' - for the not-so-cunning linguists, when the MB's got it's hat on, bad weather is on the way.

Well, that's the John Kettley routine out of the way - who? I hear you cry. John Kettley was the world's finest weatherman, and so was Michael Fish.......you'll see what I'm barking on about courtesy of You Tube.......

Gendarme flashes Panis at 212 km/hr

The Autoroute Blanche A40/E25 between Geneva and Chamonix - Mont Blanc
Originally uploaded by Arve Johnsen

Formula French Formula 1 driver, Olivier Panis, has been caught driving his Ferrari through my neighbourhood at 212 km/hr (exceeding just slightly the legal limit of 130 km/hr), later explaining to the not-very-star-struck travel cops that he had simply 'got lost' on the Autoroute Blanche.

But Mr Panis, 42, who had his career curtailed by a terrible accident in 1997, has evidently not managed to get all of that fast track adrenaline out of his system. As a regular to the slow lane on this quiet section of motorway, I can confidently say that Mr Panis is not alone.

The police, however, take a dim view of this kind of caper, and his permit was withdrawn on the spot. Stranded in Haute Savoie with no driving licence, he was forced to phone his family and beg for a lift back to his home in nearby Grenoble.

EU drive to add cheer to credit-crunched shoppers

Phallic Parsnip3311
Originally uploaded by fireflies604

French supermarkets will soon be able to sell mishapen fruit and vegetables again (following a two decade ban), but on closer examination, there's more to this decision than meets the eye.

Officially, the EU are attempting to reduce prices and cut bureaucracy, but off the record, some Eurocrats will probably tell you that their new law permitting the sale of oddly-shaped fruit and vedge is designed to bring a smile back to the faces of those hit by financial woes.

Let's face it, discovering a parsnip that's exactly the same shape as a thingy is a humourous moment that cuts through all walks of life, and can't fail to help us through the forthcoming months of hardship. If all you have to eat is thingy-shaped parsnips, at least you can eat with a smile on your face.

To underline the point, not every fruit is covered by the bend in the law, and oddly-shaped tomatoes are still a no-no. The powers-that-be in Brussels have evidently decided that tomatoes, no matter how disfigured, would never end up phallic-shaped - so what's the point of trying to sell ugly tomatoes? You can kind of see their point.

But items like the one pictured could have punters fighting in the aisles.........no price is too high.

A great opportunity for some classic Blackadder!